


sympathy for the devil

by Falcon (obligatory_word)



Series: Shooting Star AU [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Deal with a Devil, Gen, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, References to Drugs, Underage Smoking, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25949194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obligatory_word/pseuds/Falcon
Summary: Parker Maxwell Booker wasn't always the McKinley High devil. There were many ways to name her infamous reputation. Detective, Shinigami, Captain, Death, Judge, Handyperson.You know, Parker always liked to learn.But why these lessons? Why? Why was she like this?How the hell did she fall from grace and end up with devil horns rather than a halo?
Relationships: Jake Puckerman/Marley Rose, Marley Rose/Original Character(s), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Shooting Star AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717462
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	sympathy for the devil

**Author's Note:**

> YEAHHHH so here's Parker, man. She was originally meant to be Marley's endgame, but that got thrown out in favour of something else. I should write a spin-off, they're actually adorable together, and they both deserve a happy ending.

Parker Maxwell Booker was born a smart child. She picked up and learned faster than anybody else. She had razor-sharp focus and a keen eye. She was witty, read a lot. She was faster and stronger than the average kid. She was quiet and shy. But she wasn’t afraid to stand up for what was right. She was born to an average family. Born not poor, not rich, just there. A gifted kid in an average background.

She was born. Full stop.

Some people, they experienced hardship and became some of the kindest people you would ever know. Like Marley, or Finn. 

Some people, they experienced hardship and turned bitchy and mean. Like Kitty, or Santana.

Some people… they turn cold. Distant. Like Parker.

Parker had always loved magic and music. They were products of innocence, the cheers and waves of flourishing hands or soothing sounds. Academically, she excelled, but there was comfort in the arts. There was something oddly calming about the struggles to learn an instrument, when everything else seemed too easy. Or the sounds of card manipulation, as she shuffles or does a card flourish. 

She had always known the world was cruel. By reading and comprehending, by listening and watching. She lives it in the teasing and bullying for her brain, for how weird she was. Her heart was empty from the start.

She was born learning things faster than an average human. By 7 she learns loss. Her father dies in a car accident. Her mother is comatose. She makes it out with a scar over her brow. She learns to look over her shoulder and be wary of everybody, even professionals. She learns survivor’s guilt. After the accident, her new guardians move to Lima, Ohio.

She never sees her mom again. 

It doesn’t erase the guilt. Her heart fractures a little.

She learns how to hide, the art of being stealthy by 9. People still bully her, but none can bully her if they don’t find her. It causes an uproar, and she promises not to hide again. Her new guardians were beginning to give up on her. She doesn’t blame them. 

Her heart splinters, with spiderweb cracks across its surface.

She lingers in the background, but makes her first friend in Brittany, the only other person around who seems to be on the same wavelength as her most of the time. With Brittany comes Santana, and Parker nowadays suspects that being friends with her had made Brittany realize she was bisexual. Brittany soothes a little bit of the cracks, Parker learns friendship.

Nobody else makes friends with her, because they don’t understand. They call her weird, and emo behind her back. She learns that the names roll off faster when you harden and become colder.

She also learns that even if you become cold, they will always hurt. She learns that she’s in pain most of the time, a dark throbbing from deep within her chest that nobody could ever ease. She learns to ignore it.

Parker had no qualms of what gender of the person she loved. She had learned quickly on that love was precious, and whoever you got it from, was a blessing. Love was a blessing, and she was quick to identify what kind of love was fake or real. She didn’t want to take love for granted, since it was rarely spread around.

When Parker started middle school, she saw the flaws in the system almost immediately. She stands up to bullies, for both herself and others. She gets into more fights. She stands up for Brittany when they make fun of her. With Brittany came Santana and they were more neutral… until the pull of popularity.

She realizes the power of deals when she visits Carmel High one day, where people do shady things to gain advantages over their opponents. It also introduces her to vices of alcohol and smoking. They numb and wash away the pain that she’s been steadily ignoring. She learns of their effects.

The teachers complain, scold her for being a goody two shoes, too smart, too good, too everything. They close their eyes at the bullying and problems in the school. Parker learns not to trust the adults. The students find her a complete joke, a wannabe gangster that was too nerdy to be one. The pain worsens, her heart trembles but refuses to give just yet.

It’s halfway through middle school that the bullying shifts to her. She learns how to fight, but doesn’t back down from standing up to people. She stops singing as much, stops playing instruments as much, stops magic tricks. She learns how quickly friends don’t last, how family is only temporary, when Brittany and Santana stop hanging out with her and the latter starts becoming like the people she picked fights with. Brittany tries, keyword  _ tries,  _ but it also becomes squashed when Parker is sent to juvie just before graduating middle school. She assaults an older kid with a knife for sexually assaulting a kid. (Later, she’ll find out that it was the one who molested Ryder.)

Brittany loses all form of contact with Parker in between the shift from middle school to high school. Ironically, Parker starts drinking and smoking in that shift despite being in juvie. She learns not to get caught. Her guardians become indifferent. She returns with a badass reputation, a notoriety for getting into fights. But she’s still a joke, not taken seriously. Pushed around. The pain of the fights are delicious, they are better than the pain residing deep within.

Then, she calls Santana out on her bullshit. She gets beaten to the floor.

Her heart breaks into two.

She learns that nobody stays. She learns that there’s no point in having friends. She learns to be alone. 

She learns that the pain can flicker to unimaginable heights that no vice or violence can ever help her soothe. She feels guilty, and that makes the pain worse. 

She snaps. 

So Parker fades into the background. She starts making deals. Simple ones, at first. They don’t take her seriously. 

They learn to take her seriously.

She loses her long hair, she adopts a boy’s cut. She puts on a leather jacket. She stops music, she stops magic tricks entirely. She throws cards in people’s faces, leaving gashes and cuts. She drinks and smokes when she’s totally alone, because she learns she’s  _ human,  _ and there is a sudden aching emptiness that catches up to her after all these years because everything was clinical. Her heart has been stomped on and crushed. She learns to ignore the pain, and let it fuel her on days she can’t.

She learns to live on the pain. 

She learns the guilt increases tenfold with every action she takes. She learns that she despises herself, when she splashes a slushie in Rachel Berry’s face for a deal. It doesn’t go away when she fixes the mistake. She learns that she’s let her pain define her. She learns it was better off if she was dead.

The lessons don’t stop.

She almost drinks herself to death once- only for somebody to wake her up as she retches out all the alcohol in her system. The pain flares to an unbearable level, that she feels like ripping out what was left of her heart.

She delivers on a deal that day, and she’s angry when the person can’t do anything on their end of the deal. She smashes their head into the wall, leaves them in the stairwell. Her rage goes out of control that day, taking on the head football player in school and sending him to the hospital.

She earns the reputation of the devil after that. It makes her feel worse. She drinks herself into a stupor. She discovers drugs, and they make her feel worse. The pain burns from the inside.

Somebody asks her for blackmail information. She learns how to dig, and dig and dig. She digs until somebody labels her as a detective. She cracks the case of a bunch of missing fake IDs. She leaves the culprit in a locker with a note confessing his crimes stapled to the front of his shirt. And then the next name was coined. Judge.

Parker isn’t sure when she gets called Shinigami, or Death, or Captain, but she pinpoints it around the time when she and Puck fight back to back against some Carmel High students. They both wipe the floor with them. That’s when the respect begins to roll in, and the fear. Parker was someone you never crossed. She disappears from the hallways, but you could feel her presence.

She gave up on fixing the system ever since Santana beat her to the floor. Her chest hurt, and she felt like a monster. She was a monster. She had done horrible things. She drinks and chases a high. She smokes and self-destructs. But she learns she does not cry. Everything blurred beyond comprehension, as Parker reaches her limit.

The pain becomes intolerable every day, every hour, every minute, every second. It becomes harder to breathe each day, and Parker feels like she’s wading in the shards of her broken heart. No amount of alcohol, drugs or smoking could ease the pain. She’d woken up several times in her own vomit, sweat and blood. 

And then-

They have a new lunchlady. Parker largely ignores this- until she realizes the lunchlady’s daughter is going to school. The lunchlady’s daughter carries the same heavy burden that she does, hidden behind soft smiles and shy exterior. She knows this after contemplating yet again to join the New Directions in a moment of weakness. Seeing her courage to sign up. She chastised herself for thinking so. To show a soft spot would be a killing blow. Parker would not survive another blow. And yet-

Parker’s interest in this newcomer peaked. She watches the newcomer from afar, as she goes around doing her own things. She smokes, she drinks, she gets high. For a moment, she loses interest, until this newcomer encounters Parker at the benches, as she was reading a book.

“Is this seat taken?” 

Parker looks up at her, tilting her head in interest. “No.”

As she sits next to Parker, she notices how awkward the newcomer is. She assumes it was probably the reputation. It explains why the newcomer is awkward. But if that was the case, then why was she here? Didn’t she know what Parker had done? Parker was a  _ MONSTER- _

“It’s my first day,” the newcomer explains awkwardly. “No one wants to show me around.”

Parker looks up, meeting the newcomer’s gaze for the first time. The newcomer fidgets, shaking slightly at the interaction. Parker knows that gesture. The newcomer was expecting a rejection. In most cases, Parker would have taken advantage of a deal, but-

Of course, there were times that Parker’s little bit of humanity slipped through, and she did things for free or anonymously. They quelled the pain and eased the guilt a little, before returning twice as strong. She shouldn’t, she knows, but...

Something about the newcomer’s eyes made Parker soften, lowering her book and turning to face her fully. The newcomer was beautiful, as Parker tried to form words in her mind.

“Parker. Parker Maxwell Booker. Senior. They call me the devil of McKinley High. I can show you around.”

“Marley Rose,” the newcomer said, smiling back. “Sophomore. Just transferred. Question one, why the devil title?”

“Well, Marley,” Parker hummed, testing the way Marley’s name rolled off of her tongue. She liked it. “Deals with me are very… common. I’ve been told I’m a not very good influence.”

“Not very good influence? You’re reading Shakespeare. Bad influences would have thrown that into a dumpster fire.”

“It’s a classic, and none of these hooligans can appreciate it,” Parker snorted, and it pulled a laugh out of Marley, one that warmed her cold exterior and made the corner of her lips twitch up in an actual smile. 

Marley hummed, leaning closer to read the title, before beginning to speak. “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet.”

Parker gaped at her. Somebody who existed on the same wavelength. Not quite there, but understanding.

“Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?” Parker encouraged as Marley flushed, trying to remember how the rest of the verse went.

“'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot, Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet; So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, Retain that dear perfection which he owes Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself,” Marley continued as Parker lowered the book, feeling the warmth in her chest spread.

“I take thee at thy word; Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo.”

Marley ducked her head, hiding her blush. “Sorry, I haven’t really shown off that I memorized Romeo and Juliet. I just really like romances, you know?”

“Pretty interesting that you’d memorize a Shakespearean tragedy,” Parker pointed out. “Not quite the healthy romance we all needed.”

“It is interesting, though,” Marley said softly. “You seem nice.”

The guilt and pain screamed at Parker again. But Parker could believe it, when it came from Marley.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Parker joked. She learns that Marley made her both weak and strong. Why was that so? What was it about Marley that made Parker want to drop her defences? She won’t survive a hit. She  _ can’t _ survive another hit- what was she  _ doing? _ “I’ve been told I’ve got a bite.”

“I’m sitting next to you and you haven’t gone all Hannibal Lecter on me,” Marley shrugged.

“Oh no. Rawr. Nom. You look tasty enough to eat,” Parker deadpanned, making a zombie groan and stretching out her arms in front of her in a zombie pose as Marley giggled and wriggled away from her.

And they talk. They talk about everything. They discuss about everything and anything. When Marley brings up auditioning for the New Directions, Parker recontemplates joining them- even just for her final year. She pretends to act surprised, as if she didn’t already see Marley sign up earlier on in the day.

She was rather awkward. What was she supposed to say? She was very bad at communicating with people, something a lack of friends over the years have taught her.

“What am I supposed to sing? It had been an impulse choice, maybe I should back out… what if I’m not good enough?” Marley frets, brows pulling together, and it takes all of Parker’s efforts not to reach out and smoothen those brows, because she was pretty sure that was  _ not  _ socially appropriate.

So Parker thinks for a moment. “Well, sing for me.”

So Marley sings. And it ignites a fire in Parker’s heart too, an old musical fire that makes Parker smile. They sing a sudden small mashup of Crazy/Crazy For U. She wishes she has her guitar.

“You’re not so bad,” Marley breathed, eyes shining. “Why not join Glee with me?”

Parker wanted to vibe check her impulse answer, which was  _ god, yes.  _ Because singing again had made her free, it gave her the sensation of flying of being truly happy again. She almost says yes. She  _ wants  _ to say yes, if not for herself, then to please the gorgeous woman in front of her, whose eyes feel like they’ve lit up the entire world and could pull Parker out of the dusty cobwebs of not singing with only her voice. It is dangerous, Parker knows, to follow the siren’s call, but she just can’t  _ help it.  _ She’s so tired and Marley is irresistible and she learns another thing about herself…

“I’m sorry… I… can’t.”

… is that she never lets herself feel happy. 

Marley’s face falls, and Parker mentally screams at herself for putting such an expression on her face. 

“Oh.”

“B-but… I like your voice.”  _ Understatement of the century.  _ “Have any ideas for an audition piece?”

“No.”

Parker thought for a moment, looking out at the football field for a moment, before looking back at Marley with a small grin. “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked.”

Marley laughed. “No way.”

“Vienna.”

“I don’t think my voice is powerful enough to pull off the runs.”

“Piano man.”

“Now you’re just listing Billy Joel songs.”

“It suits your voice,” Parker shrugged. “But if not, Carole King?”

“I love her.”

“So Far Away?”

It takes a few more choices of deliberation, where it came down to So Far Away, La Vie en Rose and New York State of Mind. Parker vetoes La Vie en Rose immediately, for fear upon hearing Marley sing it, would her self-restraint truly snap. Thankfully, Marley agrees, with an eyebrow waggle at Parker that it would be ‘too much for them to handle’, to which Parker internally chokes.

The thing was- Parker had been in the game for several years now, and many people hated her. She  _ would  _ drop everything and join Glee. But to do that would be showing a soft spot (Marley) and Parker was terrified if anything happened to Marley on her account. She won’t survive it if for once she was selfish and Marley got hurt.

She has yet to learn letting go.

Marley sings New York State of Mind, and Parker is doomed. They both agree that Marley should sing that song. She wants to keep Marley for a little while longer, though, as much as she needs to let her go. She isn’t sure what compels her to do so, but she takes Marley on a tour around the neighbourhood, around school. She discreetly keeps them hidden, of course. Marley laughs and snags her hand, and oh, Parker could feel her heart mending itself, bits and pieces sticking together. 

She doesn’t let go. It’s like a balm to her pain.

_ (She should, though. She shouldn’t break this ball of sunshine… _

_ … even if she recognizes that deep pain within Marley’s eyes that shows how the other girl was irreversibly broken, as much as she tries to hide it.) _

She secretly comes to see Marley audition, and she knows she’ll get into the club, no problem at all. She sees the opening for the band. She keeps the audition letter for several months.

They still talk- on the benches, when Marley inevitably sees Parker at her truck after another deal or just fixing a tire, when Parker materializes out of nowhere after everybody makes fun of Marley’s mom, a little too late to stand up for her, so she offers ice cream and Julie Andrews.

She intimidates Kitty under the guise of a deal, but can’t stop the slushies from coming Marley’s way. They have a secret friendship that Marley understands must never come to light.

Brittany doesn’t graduate, so in a bit of pity, Parker offers to tutor her. It’s also a bit of avoidance of Marley, because Marley’s drawn to her and she to Marley and she needs to wean off of this drug before she gets addicted. 

**_NOBODY LASTS FOREVER!_ **

Marley accepts with a smile, and Parker helps Brittany with her work. It’s not a deal, Parker could use the extra points to graduate and she wants to reconnect with Brittany, because Brittany was the first person to exist on the same wavelength as she did.

Parker could never tell her before, but Brittany was a genius. And she tells her that, when Santana’s not around to tell her.

“I know,” Brittany says, simply. “But you’re not.”

Parker frowns at the paper. “I mean, that’s true, I’m not a genius like you, I’m just… uh…”

“You’re not a genius in here,” Brittany points out, jabbing Parker in the chest. “If you love her, go get her.”

“I  _ don’t  _ love anybody,” Parker denies, but Brittany only raises an eyebrow at her.

“Stop tagging people.”

“I don’t do that anymore?” Parker gasps in mock offense. Marley was bringing out her more goofy side, and Parker only realizes that as soon as Brittany laughs.

“Follow what your heart wants for once,” Brittany smiles.

“It’s selfish.”

“It is.”

“She’ll get hurt.”

“Who wouldn’t?” 

The more Parker lingers in Marley’s presence, the more Parker’s denial erodes and fades. In fear, she starts pulling away. She needs to stop. 

_ But she can’t. _

Brittany gives her a look, but doesn’t say anything else. Marley starts looking crushed more often, and Parker’s pain flares because  _ look, she caused that. _

And then…

Marley finds her just before Grease, before her performance, and she kisses Parker. And Parker’s always heard about her gushing about Ryder and Jake, and she knows she has no chance, but she still- for Marley she becomes sober of both drugs and alcohol, she stops smoking, because Marley chastised her once for smoking. Because selfishly, deep within, if she could be a chance of what Marley wants, she’d take it.

Marley deserves more than her, and Parker will do shit to meet that level for her. Because she’s worth it.

And she gives in for that one moment. Because Marley is sweet and kind and everything that Parker isn’t, and she doesn’t deserve her, doesn’t deserve anybody really, but she can’t help it, because Marley is a drug and Parker’s always been helping herself to vices.

She runs her hand through dark brown hair and wants things to be permanent, and for once, her heart is whole. 

But Parker pulls away for air, as they both gasp. She focuses on everything Marley for the moment, not the feeling of her heart shattering into a million pieces all over again because nobody lasts forever.

She also learned before that she doesn’t let herself be happy.

“You should go,” Parker says, breathless, but her body is a traitor, still pulling Marley close.

“I want you.”

“I still have so much on my plate,” Parker says, and she places her hand on Marley’s cheek, wiping away the tears that were already falling with the pad of her thumb. “I don’t want you involved. We have so much to figure out.”

“I can help you.”

“One day,” Parker promises, pressing a featherlight kiss to her forehead. “If we’re meant to be, we’ll come back one day. We’ll figure ourselves out and pick it back up one day.”

Marley doesn’t quite come back. She tries to approach Parker, but is occupied with Jake and Ryder. Parker notices, but is pulled away by a deluge of deals before she can say anything.

When she sees Marley kissing Jake though, her heart feels like it’s ripped out of her chest.

She threatens Jake under the guise of a deal- a deal with  _ herself.  _ She doesn’t fault Marley. Jake’s a good kid. Her pain comes back full force and it becomes evident how much Marley negated that pain. 

She learns she cannot be happy. She is destined not to be happy.

Brittany looks at her with sad eyes, but doesn’t say anymore. 

The guilt and pain become crashing waves on a shore. She  _ loathes  _ herself, she accepts Santana’s stupid deal and beats the shit out of Brody when he tries to go back to Rachel. She’s so angry, when Marley faints during Sectionals and thus Glee was disbanded, she screams at Sue until her face turns blue. She gets a suspension for that, but it was worth it to see Glee reinstated.

Her snarling anger becomes the talk of the school for a while. She shatters bottles and becomes an alcoholic again. She disappears from the hallways, stops watching Marley as much, stops torturing herself. The only time she saw Marley was when she delivered flowers to her as part of a deal. She pretends not to see Marley’s hurt expression when she explains it was for a deal.

(“... have you been drinking?”

“No.”

“I thought you stopped.”

“Went to a party.”

“You hate parties.”

“You hate spandex.”  _ You hate me. _ )

But she doesn’t cry. She stays away. Marley made her choice, and she had to make peace with that. She wills the pain to go away.

Not until the shooting, not until she sees Marley in the bed, not until she sees Santana and the Glee club, not until she recognizes the man, not until she offers her help because she’s facing  _ withdrawals,  _ because she knows she needs to be better. 

She sees Marley broken in the bed, and Santana and her talk, and all the pain break through all the years of walls and denial and she-

She gets into her truck after almost killing Santana, and then she breaks.

She learns to cry.

She cries several years’ worth of heartbreak. She cries all the pain out.

Ah, but Parker is a smart person. She learns to pick herself up. She learns to begin to let go. She learns to fight for her heart.

She knows what she needs to do.

With a soft rustle of papers, she signs up for the band.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave comments!
> 
> The ending takes place after Parker leaves Santana in the hospital in All or Nothing at the end of chapter 11!


End file.
